Press Release for Immediate Distribution. BMFW, (not pictured here) has allegedly undertaken a cycle ride nearly a full month after last putting arse to saddle. His prized Kuota Kharma was overheard to say, “get off, ya fat bastard – don’t think you can leave me in a dark garage and abuse me at will – do you think your last name is Fritzel?”

BMFW said, “I decided to take a month off after completing my early season goal. My nutritionist has had me on a diet of Guinness, Aspall’s cider, flour tortillas with chocolate spread (14 seconds in the microwave), fig rolls, Jelly Babies and some home-made biscuity, fudgie, chocolate tray-bake thing which has 2000 calories per 2g serving. This has resulted in a healthy level of stomach wobble and a feeling of lethargy only matched by your average Sausage-Roll-City dole hound.”

“After a quick spin on the MTB with BMFW junior, I got the road bike out from beneath the lawn mower and tackled the jagged peaks of the Bathgate Alps. I arrived home tired but satisfied and rewarded myself with an ice-cold blood transfusion straight from the fridge – bliss”

Rumours are circulating that BMFW and the boy Stumpy are next to be seen in “action” at the Hairy Coo Mountain Bike Race. A few more “training rides” may be in order!

Brough to you by The Ballad of Robert Scoble by Scott O’Raw.